I cannot believe that September is 2/3's over and this is only my 4th blog post. But as you know, I got off track. I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep, feeling eh....and realizing I really need to stop the sugar. Just quit. It is like I am sticking pins into my self....doing bad voo doo to myself....it is worse than I realize. Today I had a banana, some almonds, a green smoothie, an apple, some cheetos mix (had doritos, cheetos, pretzels...ugh) a cheese sandwich, a bowl of dark choc granola with milk, a piece of pumpkin pie my son made, a piece of sourdough bread toasted with butter, some cooked potatoes. so a real mix. You can see that the intent is there, but the follow through is totally lacking. I realized I have been stressing out because my mil and her husband are coming.......and I feel like our house is a bit of a mess...and it is a big house, and I hate to clean (though I will) and there are things we need to get done that we haven't done. I need to call the carpet cleaning people and get the carpets cleaned........they are full of stains...my stove/oven is a mess......I was wanting to be a raw goddess looking and feeling great when they got here........I still have time...but it is a kind of pressure I am putting on myself, the kind I always fail at. I can rise to challenges.....but not this kind.
But I am starting over. I am going to think. About it all. And relax....and make good choices...and cut out the sugar completely. I didn't mention that I also had 3 tootsie roll pops today. cherry ones. yeah. I know.
I have almost 2 weeks to feel better, to do better...I look ok, don't look super haggard or anything but I still don't have the calm, glow and joy of eating a better diet. I also am doing this for my next birthday...that was the initial thought that started this all...and I do so want to be a better self by then. Lose the weight, the bad habits, gain clarity and joy. Sugar makes me think all kinds of negative depressed thoughts....keeps me from connecting with others.....my sister called me...I haven't called her back.....I haven't called my mom in weeks, so.....This is almost 1/6th over...meaning I have 5 blocks of 7 weeks to go.....or 35 weeks. 7 weeks is 49 days. Alot can happen in 49 days. It is now 1:30am I should get back to bed....when I got up I had yukky poo....stinky and runny.......so....here is to happy thoughts, eating good food, getting things done.
I will be back tomorrow. Also, I didn't go to the gym or do anything outside all week......that has got to change...the weather has been gorgeous.
ciao bellas! bon soir et bons reves!
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