I will not dwell on why I have yet to get past the fence......but just do it. Get past the fence. I am now approaching my 56th birthday...and time is passing. I visualize chopping off blocks of my old life, of time, of opportunity, of whatever, and I intend to use them to build a new life.....to improve the quality of my life, and I see them fall into this bottomless crevasse that is inbetween me and what I want...it isn't one that can't be crossed, but when I waste time, opportunities, etc. they fall into that crevasse.....and there is nothing on the other side, however, if I use them well, do something good, make a good change, then I have the start of something on the otherside. And it is not like I don't do good things for myself...as I do. I planned and worked things out ahead of tax season this year, so that it was very successful for me. I did not get physically exhausted, I did not get sick, I did not miss scanning any tax returns. That is good. We have yet to have a staff meeting after everything was all over...so I have yet to really hear any feedback...but I know I did well.....
So I have been juicing....and eating.....and juicing....and eating. Today I took the day off, and I am here, writing, trying to clarify what it is that I am doing, what it is that I want to do, how to get past this particular fence, where it is I want to go, how I am going to get there, and just generally what is up with me.
What do I want? I want to do another juice feast....til my birthday. I was originally going to be 42 days or 6 weeks, then 40 days....now 39. It's like a reverse auction.....only the buck stops here.
Today I woke up, it is going to be a gorgeous day, so I decided to take the day off. I was going to take tomorrow off, but today is going to be a nicer day, so I called in and took today off. Also, I will be home alone, which is important to me, while tomorrow I wouldn't be. I want to be totally free to do whatever I want and need to do.
So...I have 3 quarts of fresh juice awaiting me, but since I ate cooked food last night, I am going to only have water until at least 10am if not 12 noon. The plan for today is to drink the 3 quarts of juice over the course of the day, and have some raw greens powder if I am feeling hungry, and then some orange/grapefruit juice if I need more juice. I will need to make tomorrow's juice tonight as I have to leave the house earlier than normal tomorrow.
So I have 29 days left of this month to juice feast. And 39 days until my birthday. I want to be happier, healthier and of course, thinner on that day....I also want to be 100% raw for 6 months. May, June, July, Aug, Sept., Oct. 29+ 61+61+31=182 days or exactly 26 weeks. That is cool...numbers that I like....and now to make a plan. I like making plans, they excite me, motivate me...inspire me....now to get inspired.
I need to eat more seaweed...currently don't eat any. I like it, just don't have the habit of eating it. As I am now juicing I need a liquid sea mineral option....Mr. Monarch can help me out with that one....though buying it from another source would possibly be cheaper. I am juicing cucumbers for my kidneys....they have been sore recently...and I really have no idea why. I am thinking it is because of the cedar oil poisoning...as my liver was acting up as well. Now my liver is feeling better, but I know it still has some healing to do, but I did get alot of fat cleansed out of it.....I need to heal my body of damage from the cedar oil, of damage just from living and get that vibrant happiness that I yearn for. So....need also to do some work on my feelings....I suppose. lol....ever the reluctant one. Things I need in my life...fun, exercise, love, laughter, I would say friends, but I don't do friends....don't get me wrong, I am not unfriendly, but I just never have learned how to be a long-term friend...I always mess it up, don't trust that people like me, make sure that people don't like me, don't want to deal with the whole concept.....that is an area that needs alot healing also. As is my whole relationship with my self. hmmmm.
So...soon going out to sunbathe a bit....need to find a good book to keep me company. Need to find some paper to continue writing out my thoughts....may take my laptop out with me later.....for a sit in the sun on the main street......maybe.
Whole lot of thinking to do...and I am in the mood to do it....
It feels so good to be doing just juice.
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