I signed up for the Peas On Earth RawFu Challenge........it starts tomorrow. In anticipation of that day I have been eating high raw and trying to not eat sweets. I don't eat most sweets, but I do like very good ones.....and in a pinch will eat bad ones, however there has been a tray of cookies in the kitchen for the past couple of days and I have not even been tempted. I have however eaten more of the Mozart chocolates. Not alot....but my body is saying no more. I read a good comment on the RawFu site about feeding the body, not the mind. It is my mind that wants all that bad bad stuff. Silly mind.....must get back into the real.
So...today I have had one very ripe banana, have another waiting in the wings, ate some cocktail peanuts and some cashews......about a cup total....then bought some cut up cantelope for lunch...the big container....and I did have, I did, until I got careless and knocked it over, a large glass of cider. Raw cider. sigh. And the rest is at home. And I was going to use it to drink my MSM/BrainOn drink....which needs sweetness as the MSM is bitter......sigh. I will still drink some, but have to figure out a good way to add in sweetness. Don't have any stevia with me....may just have to drink it later. At home. Nevermind, silly me realized much later, after having eaten bad things (organic 'healthy' chocolate pop tarts NO!!!) that I have more raw cider...so did 2 green MSM/BrainOn drinks before leaving work. Feeling better already.
In my internet perambulations I have come across some good stuff....a couple of books I want to read, one......Living Beyond Belief...by Jaia Lee........and the other...Destiny Unveiled by Sylvia Clute. Can't find them locally...will have to go online and get from Amazon. Library no have, B&N no have.....they can order but Amazon have for half the price. so.....will do that.
Planning on eating one last cooked dinner tonight....not sure if that is a good idea....but I want it.
Oh silly mind.....you want it....you want you want you want.......I want contradictory things....I want to eat cooked foods that are yummy, I want to have the delirious experience of the natural high vibrancy that raw foods give you....I want to have my cake and eat it too.....hah!
If you can tell that I am pouting a bit, you get the star for today. I am pouting. Not about foods, but about my feelings. I am feeling a bit blue, feeling a bit sad for me.....like I am so misunderstood....that no one really knows me and if they truly did they would think better of me...like me, want to be my friend. That kind of thing...........a bit of sugar blues and a bit of my world. Which is why I want to read those books.....why I want to do raw food.....I want to change. To be my real, authentic self, to live my real authentic life....which does not involve hiding...which is what I do.....I hide my thoughts, my feelings, my actions,.......I hide my true self. And I know better! But I grew up hiding...........so still I hide as I haven't tried not hiding. Don't like the conflict. But hiding has it's conflict, only it is inner conflict instead of outer conflict.........and it is as bad or possibly worse, as it seldom gets resolved.
peas be with you
ciao bellas
Alessandra
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