Re-creating My Life!

I am still 100% raw, still have not had a miracle morning (last night I seriously was awake all night long...) I had the Ginseng tea.yesterday...and it kept me from sleeping.  It also made me hyper and irritable today, much like having a decongestant and eating dark chocolate does, luckily not too much so....

As I sit here at my desk in my office I am not looking forward to the talk I need to have with my husband tonight about committing to spending $2000 on the Soulful Women Certificate Program, money which I am going to withdraw from my 401k, yet knowing that I must.  I must talk to him about it and I must do it.

I feel like a tiger in a cage.  I do not belong here.......my spirit has been so wounded by this lack of action on my part...of taking charge of my life....but I have been preparing for this moment all of my life, and feel that now, the motivation, the pain is strong enough, the understanding of what it will take and the knowledge that I can do it....I know I can.....even if I have never done it before, I can because I must because I know that if I don't, I will become a sad, bitter, dry, husk of an old woman, and it would be such a waste.  It already has been.  The waiting has made me all that much more powerful....like a coal that has turned into a diamond that is me.......I am a diamond in the rough...and now for some polishing so I can sparkle and shine!

So...feeling fearful and excited and oh so hopeful, my spirit is actually paying attention now....daring to hope, so much wanting to be all that I truly am.  I have denied myself for so long...........cannot deny myself anymore.  I feel this on such a deep level.....it brings me to tears if I let myself really feel it.  I can see there will be many tears up ahead, but they will be tears of joy, of healing, of happiness.

so that's all for today.....not eating a whole lot...have a bit of a cold....which being 100% raw really helps with, it doesn't really manifest many symptoms, just feel tired....but it's also irritated sinuses caused by a certain indulgence........which I won't give up.  But I do limit it so that it is an optimal experience and not just a habit.